June 16, 2024

Important Stimulus Payment Information

This year, taxpayers may again receive an Economic Stimulus Payment from the federal government. Below are some common questions and answers about the program.

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will  send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this  money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is  giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What  is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.

Some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

  • If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.
  • If you spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.
  • If you purchase a computer it will go to India.
  • If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).
  • If you buy a car it will go to Japan.
  • If you purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan.
  • If you pay your credit cards off, it will go to bank management bonuses and they will hide if offshore.  Same with stock investments.

Instead of funding the economies of countries most of us will never visit, some of whom actively despise American values, or giving it to incompetent financiers to piss away, it’s highly recommended that you keep the money in here at home in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spending it on prostitutes, beer and wine (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those seem to be the only American businesses still thriving in the current recessionary environment.

h/t Carol


Marc is a software developer, writer, and part-time political know-it-all who currently resides in Texas in the good ol' U.S.A.

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